Today I only had coffee all morning and felt great. I talked a lot and felt more and more loved as I was more active in my circle of friends. My stomach hurt from hunger and I felt great. Then we had lunch. I only had vegetables and salad. I tried talking a lot to keep in mind that there are more important things than eating, but afterwards I just felt miserable and worthless again because everyone else just keeps on living after the meal and my head just stays behind thinking about food and I feel worthless and disgusting.
So I ate some chocolate, and hated myself even more! I forced myself to stop and now I'm writing to you because I feel lonely and unloved and incapable and I'm just so stressed out about food...
I don't want to have to eat anymore because I want to at least be worthy of love because I am thin. I know you will reward me with a beautiful body, with cheekbones jutting out and long hair flowing around my skinny face.
I know that's what I want. Thank you for promising me. Now I think I will soon be able to concentrate on life again :)
Forever faithful, Emma <3
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